I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
