She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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