you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
