There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize