I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
