I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
