U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
