They should really pass out barf bags in church
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
