a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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