Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
