Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
