O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
