I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
