Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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