I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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