im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
do herpes really smell.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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