o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
