operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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