just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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