alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
