Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
