honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
