was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
