I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
