I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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