FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
