He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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