He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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