shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You're a disaster
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