It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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