We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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