you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
