so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
