So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
