she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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