Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
