Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
