my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
