he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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