the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i love accidental penises.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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