it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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