I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
my being single is dangerous.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
