Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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