dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
