Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize