She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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