what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
