I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
