i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
