Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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