Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize