so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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