about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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