...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize