I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
