Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
