just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My vagina is officially offended.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
