oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
