he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
