I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
