i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
