I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
