I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
