Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
