Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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