WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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