I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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