i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
