Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
